The Fugetives return

I vigorously shake my right hand as my left one cups my quivering lips in an attempt to muffle my screams. It’s funny how I am just as loud during pain as I am during pleasure. Unfortunately, he knew how to trigger both quite efficiently.

The only way I realise how hard I’m shaking is by the aching of my wrist. I don’t hear the clicking; I don’t feel shaking of my body. Everything seems to be in agonizing slow motion and I can’t breathe. 

No matter how much I increase the speed at which I inhale, none of the oxygen seems to reach my veins. I can't breathe. 

I’m slowly suffocating as my heart beat goes from 0 to 100 in 60seconds fuelled by pure hate and disgust.

I feel dizzy and my vision blurs as the sodium chloride in my tears seems to concentrate with every word I read and Every date I see which coincides with a time I was sitting, sipping on black label next to him. My state causes me to magnify every word said to be simultaneous to the greatest level of betrayal. Even the jokes. How dare he joke with her. 

I swear social networking is the devil.

I can almost hear them chuckling and giggling with pleasure. The sound buzzes around my ear like the annoying sound of a fly whirring about a room. 

Only thing is this time it's on the other side of my ear.

I catch one escapee tear with back side of my hand and thank God I wasn't wearing makeup. Thank God the only person home wasn't paying me any mind.

My mind feels woozy. 

Thoughts I thought I'd never have again crossed me...is the chemist still open? 

This pain is definitely killing me, let’s speed it up eh? Hell can’t be that bad anyway.  Hell is obviously playing tsatsa (gamble) with my life. Another point to Lucifer...let’s go congratulate him. Even though I have a feeling when shit hits the fan he’ll get all the recognition needed.

I see names of 'friends' saying things that make my heart split three ways. ewiase nye enika (the world is evil) is all I can think as I contemplate whether I'd rather be the broken hearted girl or the bitch that got hurt n snitches out of spite. I have a reputation to uphold...But who cares. I do. 

So I let it slide, all of it. 

I steady my breath. I wipe the tears. 

I find that the white light has been blinking on my phone. 

Disorientation caused me to ignore it before. As I type in his birthday to unlock my phone I realise I lost this fight long ago. I return to lay my neck in the Guillotine where it belongs and reply to his whatsapp message. My rebellion was short lived, unwitnessed. As i remember how much i love him the shackles snap close around my wrists and ankles. 

I’ll never escape. 

I’ll just wait till he drops this blade, executing me and finally separating my heart from my head.