I cry way too much (and am not afraid to admit it). Lol
yes, I admit it, I am one big cry baby. Some friends of mine may be surprised but I am.
To be honest I only cry when I am frustrated or helpless rather than when I am upset or hurt.
Its kinda funny because when I am upset or fell lonely, I starve myself instead. Crazy huh, actually it ain’t, just like myself there are thousands of young women (and guys actually) that either lose appetite or eat excessively when upset. And to be honest I feel the need to point out Some have very deep issues such as depression and other mental disorders and find it very hard to cope. People tend to think that loosing appetite has to do with the fact that our body is too busy being upset to think of food but actually the weird thing about it is what goes on in some people's heads when going through an emotional crisis.
When I’m at my lowest, I feel like I need to be punished for feeling sorry for myself. I feel like being upset alone is making my problems worse and that I am a failure for letting emotions get in the way of things I do. Obviously that then makes things worse and I get even more upset but my point is that sometimes people aren’t just not eating because they are not hungry but there’s this little voice that tells you that you don’t deserve food, that you don’t deserve friends, you don’t deserve someone to care about you. A lot of the time I can hear my stomach rumbling and my head would would spin from dehydration and I’d ignore it. In some cases this is how eating disorders start off for a lot of young people. I for example get upset much more than people think but its just harder to detect when I put on a brave face so imagine having days on end where you don't eat and imagine that happening very frequently. Some people don’t have anyone to jolt them out of their misery (even if just temporarily) and at least make them pretend like they are OK (trust me, it makes such a difference just making someone pretend they are OK for a little while, it makes them remember what it like to be happy and sometimes they might even attempt to really enjoy themselves).
I, however, have kinda come to realise that (or re-realise lol) that certain things just wont help. Yes I do still tend to stay in bed for ages on end without food or socialising with anyone when I am upset but I am learning that even if my mind is telling me to punish my flesh I need to take that chance to feed my spirit. That’s the times I need Jesus the most...and that’s where the crying comes in. as I said, from a young age I never used to cry a lot unless I was in actual physical pain, or totally helpless and frustrated and I still do, but now I cry to god. You know how when people give immobile and unwell people those little bells so they can bring attention to themselves when they can do something themselves, (I never got that privilege, in an African household you better still have the strength to scream or get up and do it yourself otherwise you ain’t getting nothing done lol) well that’s what crying does. Its me telling god that I cant do it, that am helpless and that I need him.
It took me a while to grasp the whole concept of having to tell god you need him before he can really help you. For a long time I have just been quiet expecting him to come and sort my life out if its really his will and I wont lie, my prayer life is ridiculously patchy and I still haven’t been to church (willingly) for a while but rather than brood over things and let my soul grieve I actually show him how desperate I am. And to be honest if you ever going to show anyone that you are desperate for anything then you might as well let it be god, considering that he is the only one that can really help you. And I guess the funny thing is that it actually works, apart from the fact that its a good way to make yourself fall asleep at night, god actually hears your cries even if you say nothing.
So to conclude, yes, I am one big old cry baby. I cry at every little thing that hurts or upsets but not in front of people but for the help of the single person that can actually come to my aid and its a much better solution than other things I have tried to soothe my hurt or alleviate my frustration and I am not the only one that thinks its a great way to relieve some stress as even atheists will testify to it (even though they may have other theories as to why it helps).
And that is why being a cry baby may be slightly weird, but perfectly normal ;)
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