nothing makes me wanna sing more than when am worshipping god.
I know its such a religious cliché but I don’t even care.
I even have a little story to support my theory...
when I was doing my GCSE I chose music as one of my subject (obviously oblivious to the fact that I actually would have to play some kind of instrument at some point :s) so it was required of me to present a musical piece every few weeks or so and every week I sang a song out of the song books we kept at school depending on what topic or style we had to adhere to.
I wasn’t completely atrocious but I wasn’t singing 'anywhere near as good and powerful as my chest capacity should allow me' quoting the words of my singing coach. My pitch range is never gonna be enormous but we all knew I could do much better than what I was doing and my coach would continuously ask me to sing from my stomach ….like really? :s
I know that’ss what all coaches say but I justdidn’t’t get, I wareleasingg all the strength in my lungs when singing (almost suffocated on a high note once lol) but it justwasn’tt working.
So one time we had the assignment of composing ABABCA structured piece and I used one of my old compositions that I wrote. At first I was going to use a song called 'baby' which I wrote when I was like 14, lyrically it was good although the rhythm was a bit repetitive but it would have done fine but at some point halfway through editing the song I decided to use a different song I hadn’t titled but thinking about it now 'I’ll follow you' would have been appropriate. It was pretty much me telling god that I’ll trust him in everything I’ll do and I wrote it in a time I really needed to follow something because I was going off on a ridiculous path. So the day of performance came and I stood to sing this song...and hit every note perfectly. Obviously, I wrote the song to suit my vocal ability but I sang the song with such passion and strength tat at some point all I saw was my music class staring back at me surprised and me singing and smiling awkwardly not knowing whether to be pleased or be embarrassed. Then I started to think to myself, maybe my voice isn’t meant for secular music, strange, but that seems to be the matter of the fact. Don’t get me wrong I still listen to secular music and will sing along but when it comes to actually performing songs, I haven’t sang a song in public that wasn’t appropriate since that day.
All nice and good but then there was another problem. When my father died, I more or less lost interest in everything that meant something to me. I wanted to be a singer from when I was little, people were calling me up to come for choir practice at church and I just wasn’t up for it. For a long while I wouldn’t even sing along in my seat during church service. I just didn’t see the point in singing any more. To be honest, thinking about it, I probably wasn’t doing it for him from the get go, I think I just used church as a platform for people to see what I could do which I now know was wrong. I started to sing again on special occasions because praise has always been the most effective way I knew how to thank god and I started enjoying singing again but I couldn’t do it on a daily basis. Possibly the devil saw I was at least trying to get back to doing what god wanted me to and started throwing tribulations my way and I stumbled. Stumbled hard. To be frank with you all, I haven’t willingly gone to church in over a year. I just had this feeling of gods mercies not applying to me because of things I have done and gone through. But then the other day I had a crisis, a bad one. I don’t know how god does it but he does something to keep me here and maybe there is a reason why is keeping me here. Anyway I had someone special pray with me and give me a good telling off about the fact that I don’t sing any more and explained to me that I had a choice, either I sing for god, or I sing for the devil, its my choice but either has its consequences. I started realising how much I am depriving myself of by consciously deciding not to sing for him (even if just in my house), deciding not to do the little things I used to do such as pray, tithe, sow seeds etc.
going back over my life, yes I have been through extraordinary BS and it seems that everything I go through just leads to something else bad but I forget to think about the fact that point is I am still here, and even if I haven’t been restored to my former glory, I am on my way there or even aiming at better things.
Been reading the bible from top to end when I got to Noah story I realised that when god flooded the earth it look 150 days for the rain to stop so at that point the actual danger had been survived, however it took almost as much time as it stopped to rain for the flood to subside. Noah and his family were stuck in the ark for months, probably anxious to get out, but had to wait for all the water to dry up in order not to jeopardise the lives of any of the creatures on the ark as his whole mission was to keep them safe so that they could multiply. Sometimes it will take just as long if not longer for god to restore us to what we were before (or whatever he wants us to be) because he needs to make sure that everything is settled properly (the flood needs to completely recede) before he can let you go safely knowing you can be comfortable in the new state he will put you in.
anyway that’s just me going off on a tangent, basically I have realised that maybe I am the one making things difficult by expecting everything to go back to normal at once. Maybe I just need to go back to the things I enjoy doing, including praising god, and just wait till he thinks am ready to step out of my ark and start cultivating my life again.
And that is why only being good at singing gospel may be weird, but perfectly normal ;)
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